if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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