i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
