i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
