her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
