everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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