there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
