9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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