it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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