my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
