The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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