I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
