Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
