I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
