I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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