Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I believe in your delicious
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
