oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
