It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
you made out with another girl for some wings
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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