He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
