I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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