Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
