she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
