4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
