If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
