I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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