Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
