he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
