why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
