THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
