Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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