I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
