I looked at my own cervix.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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