Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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