did you get engaged???
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
