I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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