for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
