Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
