Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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