we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
