I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
