I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
