Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
