Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
