and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
sarcasm needs its own font
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
