The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
