I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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