dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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