i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
