youre lurking in front of me
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
