dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
