he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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