No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize