2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
