the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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