I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
