Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
