you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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