All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
