There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
