good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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