U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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