i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
