She said her name was "party"
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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