Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
